2024. All In.

I don’t know what this means exactly, but I know that I don’t want to take anything for granted.   I’ve seen too many things come and go through my life, and recently I have had a shake up that has made me want to live my life with no regret.

I want to say what I have to say.   Good AND bad.   I don’t want to hold secrets inside or keep sadness to myself.    I want to express myself freely and completely to the people who matter most to me.   I want people to be honest with me, and if they can’t be, I really don’t want to spend a lot of energy on them, and I want to be okay with that instead of wondering what I did to make them keep things from me. 

I want to be who I want to be.  And man do I wish I could bold and highlight that “I”.  I have spent so long in my life trying to live my life in a way, an be the person that the world expects me to be.    I have said yes when I wanted to say no, I have done things I don’t want to do, and I have smiled when I really wanted to cry.    I don’t want to pretend anymore to be anything or anyone other than who my true authentic self is.

I want to love who and how I want to.   I want to kiss my friends.   I want to hug my kids.   I want to hold hands with my husband in public and sit next to him when we watch tv.    I want to laugh and talk and share and spend quality time with the people in my life who matter the most to me. I want to spoil my dogs and talk to them like they understand me.   I’ve learned the hard way that people leave, and I want to cherish the ones who matter most to me.

I want to live unapologetically in my body.   I want to be done hating it and wishing it away.   I want to accept my physical self in the way I have accepted so many others.  I want to look in the mirror and think “yep.   She’s awesome,” instead of seeing bulges, wrinkles, and flaws.   I want to see what my friends tell me THEY see.  

I want to quit “should-ing” myself.   I want to be happy with what I HAVE completed and spend less energy on what I perceive I could have done.   I want to know that I work hard, I am not lazy, and I can’t live in a world where I accomplish ALL the things.  I want to be proud of what I do, and not feel I should be doing more.

I want to go to the grocery store in my sweats with no makeup, and I want to dress to the nines for a date with my man.   I want to compete with no other woman about how I look.   I want to find joy and happiness in who I am, how I look, who I love, and how I live my life. Comparisons need to end. Wear what you want. Be who you are.

I want to look at others and only see how happy I am for them.   I don’t want to compare, analyze, or be jealous anymore.   I want to be happy for the accomplishments of others, and I want them to be happy for me.   I don’t want to bring others down, and in fact I want to work to hold them up.   We all deserve support and caring and compassion.

I want to tell people what they mean to me, even when it may seem embarrassing.   Family, friendships, my kids, and people I work with.   I want them to know the amazing people they are and what they bring to my life.   Often words are taken for granted and when it’s too late and we can’t share them we are left with regret.   I don’t want that regret anymore.

I want to feel worthy in all that I do.   No more prerequisites to being happy.   I don’t have to lose weight, work harder, go to the gym, cook more at home, clean my house, watch less tv, read more books, be smarter, get off social media, blah...blah....blah.    I want to wake up each day and feel worthy of a life that feels complete and happy and full.  

I want to be ALL IN on this life from this moment on.   End of Story.

This is my hope for my 2024.